So it was an eventful day.
When I woke up I actually thought I’d be in bed the whole day – but thankfully no.
I watched some interesting show on TVO about that new skyscraper in London called ‘The Shard’. I suppose that’s an apt name for it, given the fact it is probably now full of steely office women who are quick to take offence to anything, as well as the disgusting power hungry ones that reside over hiring: looking over resumes and doing interviews.
I forced myself to go to the gym this morning – which was a good idea. I was thinking to go out and market first thing in the morning, then go to the gym in the evening – but that wasn’t working out the past 7 days. Tomorrow I will get up at 7am and head early to the gym. I intend to do 30 mins of cardio 6 days a week until I lose my chest and body fat. (March 8th ’19 Update: I suppose I have lost some chest and body fat, however when I still look at myself in the mirror I am unhappy: I am still too fat. I don’t have that stupid ‘body dismorphic disorder’ shit or anything…it’s just I know what I want to look like and going to the gym for 30 mins a day wasn’t cutting it. It actually takes much more time at the gym to get a model body. That’s what I’m gunning for: a model-like body).
The chest and body fat were gained from months of whisky addiction, plus taking some awful prescribed psychotropic drug that had a weight gain side effect. I can’t believe I wasn’t going to the gym for months.
I moved to a new apartment in the Spring, and until i think late August I would spend my time off of work just lying in bed watching Netflix and YouTube. At least during that time I wasn’t drinking any alcohol. I started drinking alcohol again because I was working with two abusive young bastards at my work. It wasn’t so bad – because I would have a comeback for everything they said, but I guess after a shift I felt sorry for myself and to get rid of that feeling I would go for a pint. You may think that a pint isn’t a lot, but if you were making as little as I was (just over min wage) you would worry about how much you’re spending too!
Now it’s November and I’ve only had one day of work in the past two weeks. I’m looking to be SELF-EMPLOYED from now on.
My belly is my bane. I’m really looking forward to shrinking it. I could do some ‘hip twists’ from Kundalini Yoga, but I may be scared that it will cause me to feel too stressed out afterwards. I guess I’m just content with laying in my bed.
I don’t think I could care less about customers in a restaurant. They’re probably just these Cis-gendered bimbos who get anything they want and are having drinks at the restaurant for god-knows-what. Anyway, I don’t want to hate on Cis people. While I was working I got enthralled with Conservative politics, and the Conservatives seem pretty disapproving of the ‘more than two genders’ thing.
When I was working as a Dishwasher at a restaurant for 4 years, my off time I spent meditating (I might have done some Hatha yoga too). At that time I say I was in a very spiritual sense of being – not because I was a Dishwasher (I now would hate to do that job and would adamantly refuse to do it), but I guess because I had reached a stage of spiritual enlightenment. At that point I had this opinion that gender was an illusion. How profound is that?! LOL. Also during that time I would go to this woodland very close to my house and pull the Black Swallowwort (a very invasive non-native species of vine) and meditate. At that time I was so limber. Now I am fat and when I went last to the same wood, i had to put more effort into getting around brambles and things.
I used to have *real* feelings before the psychotropic drug/ whisky. Now my feelings are all kind of weak and muddled and sloshed together. I used to get stressed or anxious about things and have to meditate to feel better. Now I don’t seem to get stressed or anxious about anything – just concerned.
I miss those *real* feelings. I hope they come back.