Dec 31

So it’s NYE and I’m staying inside my apartment, alone. I have only a Bachelor apartment (that I thankfully don’t have to share with anyone else). I think if I shared my apartment with anyone else, I’d probably start drinking whisky at home again (and then get addicted to it again) – so I am VERY grateful that I live alone (remembering my addiction time when I was almost always intoxicated when I was out and about in society – not a good memory!). I could have my friend Bob over, but we would probably end up drinking in my apartment, and I dont allow booze in my apartment. Anyways, in my opinion, he is an alcoholic, so I am trying to wean himself off of alcohol in my own way.

Went to the gym tonight. I don’t think I went yesterday. My diet is so devoid of brain enhancing things. At least I’ve bought some canned peas and corn. Before I moved to the shit place I used to live at before I moved to my current place, I would have a bowl of canned vegetables with creamy salad dressing every day. I am so proud of myself, thinking back to that time. Vegetables are quite healthy, and so to have a bowl of vegetables every day is a pretty good feat. So, when I moved to the shit place on Jane Street, I kinda let myself be brainwashed by this East Asian lady who owned the apartment in which I rented. She kinda freaked out when she saw me about to eat the whole bowl of peas. I guess at that time I let her brainwash me into stopping eating them because I was so inebriated on whisky and wine all the time there. The reason for that, was because she was kind of deceptive. The way she was deceptive, was she didn’t tell me that she was going to rent the rest of the apartment to Sudanese people. It was a 2 bedroom apartment, and the living room was also converted to two additional bedrooms. When I first moved in there, I thought the living room was her bedroom, and not 2 bedrooms. So what happened was when the Sudanese people moved in, I couldn’t handle it. I’m a natural Introvert anyway. For some reason I thought that I had to socialize with these people that moved in, and for an introvert, one of the ways to be able to stand social interactions they dont want to have is to drink. The Sudanese people were awful because they spoke their language which I didn’t understand, and also they were Black and Black people tend to have dirty 6 A/B Chakras and Celestial Bodies that are irritating to people like me who have Higher Sense Perception. And what made the whole situation even worse was that the “Man of the House” invited his wife to move in with him – so then we had a total of 5 people living in this two bedroom apartment. The wife was a Bitch anyways. I’m gay, and I don’t understand heterosexual relationships. I was also scared to “come out” to Bihar (the “man of the house”), because in Sudan, I think homosexuality is punished with death. I could have not even talked about women with him, but then when he asked me about women, I didn’t know what to say. I was kind of unhappy that he would have asked me anyways. So what I said was that “I have sex with women” and that was it. I think it made him freak out and leave the apartment and pull the fire alarm, because he did leave the apartment after I said that and the alarm did go off. I really don’t have tender feelings towards women, and I have never dated a women, so what could I have said? I wouldn’t have LIED. Anyways, this woman was a Bitch, probably because Bihar told her what I said, and she either a) become scared of me because she thought I would rape her, or b) became resentful of me because I didn’t have sex with her. In the end, before I left that apartment and moved to my current apartment, we weren’t even talking to each other AT ALL.

So I feel kind of like a loser because I’m not going out to the bar to drink, but that is just a negative belief anyways, and it will be wise for me to save my money and not go and drink at the bar tonight. Plus not drinking will help me to biologically wean myself off of alcohol. In addition, there was a nasty man in the elevator tonight. He was holding a beer can and was very irritable, so there may be more nasty men around my building this evening that I should be wary of.

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