Jan 21 ‘19

Yeah…So I sit here listening to ‘Exposure’ from Current Value. CV is amazing, you should go check him out!!!

Eating peanut butter on toast. I learned today that people of my weight (130lbs) should eat about 40-50 grams of protein a day. My peanut butter has 4 grams of protein per tablespoon. I don’t think I’ll be getting enough protein.

Went to the gym today. I’m not going to say ‘as usual’ because I don’t really want to go to the gym. It is always a struggle to go – but now a days it’s a small struggle compared to before.

I don’t understand how small young men can be. They are so scrawny. I guess they go to the gym because it’s something social to do – for them. I go because I’m serious about losing weight. I don’t want any issues from socializing. There was this beefcake on the elliptical beside me today who was all business about his workout. He was DRENCHED in sweat – like the whole back of his T-shirt was soaked. I was worried he might have a heart attack – but I respected him and his choice and just focused on my workout.

The gym places this awful show on the TV almost every time I go there. It’s of these couples who either renovate their house or are looking for a new one. This is kind of like a slap in the face for me. I envisioned that I would be making enough money as a massage therapist by 26 to buy my Dad a new driveway. Then I realized I had to do a whole bunch of marketing I had no clue how to do. Then I just gave up.

Now – years later I’m doing the marketing. Living on the edge. Going to the food bank. Trying not to drink ANY booze.

I tell ya – the people in Toronto are such ASSHOLE. Like, I can’t even stand on a good street corner and give out my biz cards without having a shot of whiskey beforehand.

It’s almost impossible not to go door-to-door trying to sell a product or service without being intoxicated.


Especially the people in their godforesaken houses. The way they glare at you. Their sarcasm. Their condescension. Their patronizing. The rejection.

You wonder how these assholes got the f*cking money in the first place to afford their mortgages. It’s probably just all shit money. Like inherited. Or their home ownership is temporary because their job is temporary – because they are a subordinate under some type of corrupt superior.

Thank God I’m self employed now.

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